It is never easy to determine whether your partner has red flags or whether you’re wearing rose-colored glasses — especially if you are too caught up by the poison of idealistic and surface-level definitions of love.
For those who don't know: Red flags, in their literal sense, are used to signify danger. So it’s not surprising that Gen Zs refer to it when describing questionable traits to look out for in a person, especially in a significant other. On the other hand, rose-colored glasses are a figurative speech used as early as the 1840s to define someone as overly optimistic and sees everything in a pleasant light.
While one is already problematic in its own way, having these two as guests in one’s relationship would surely cause a torturous, chugging-a-whole-bottle-of-wine-at-3-am kind of heartbreak.
To make it worse, social media even tolerates and romanticizes these behaviors, proliferating toxic relationships through jokes such as “mas masarap talaga pag may red flag” or “red flag nga siya, pero favorite color ko ang red.” This further normalizes unhealthy relationships.
But fret not!
Let this article be the one to help you lift your rose-colored glasses and see the important colors of the world, and yes —including the striking red flags around you, if there are any.
First red flag to look out for: Inconsistency on important things
Consistency is a major factor in keeping a relationship healthy. This is one of the ways to build trust and certainty between two romantically-involved individuals. Do they easily break small promises such as saying that they will call at a certain time, but they don’t? Do they shower you with love one second and then turn cold the next?
Sometimes, inconsistency is considered a form of emotional abuse because of the rollercoaster, unsure, and unsafe feelings one experiences with an inconsistent partner. This, too, may indicate that they may not be a reliable partner in the long run.
Second red flag to look out for: Pushes your boundaries in subtle ways.
Boundaries are set for a reason, and your partner should be able to respect them no matter what the situation is. If they don’t know how to regard your simple “No,” “Stop” or they don’t even ask for consent before deciding on activities that you two would partake in, then maybe it’s high time to reassess your relationship.
Breaking one’s boundaries for someone will most likely not benefit you in any way.
Third red flag to look out for: Unwillingness to Communicate
Relationships are a two-way street. It should involve two people actively participating to make the connection work, which means both parties should try to communicate effectively. However, if your partner continuously shuts him/herself from you and/or dismisses your attempts to fix arguments through logical discussions, then maybe it is time to think twice about staying in the relationship.
This is because no matter how good you are at sensing one’s emotions, a relationship cannot or will not work properly if you’re the only one trying to make the gears run. Aside from that, it is also important that both parties get a sense of security and validation from their partners, as well as being reassured that your significant other will open-heartedly listen to you.
Without proper communication, you’ll most likely be left hanging and end up repressing your emotions.
Fourth red flag to look out for: Condescension
Imagine a scenario where you state a perfectly valid opinion on something and your partner just brushes it off while asserting that their opinion is much more reasonable than yours. As harmless as it can sound at times, this can reveal how they value you as a person and as a partner.
If they don’t value things such as your opinion on little things, think about how they will treat your insights when it comes to the big and important aspects of your relationship. Likewise, someone who values you wouldn’t be dismissive of your opinion, perspective, or feeling.
So this is also a big “NO-NO.”
Fifth red flag to look out for: They treat people badly
Sure, nice words and a kind partner to you can be quite sweet, but you should not look at those characteristics alone. Try to expand your perspectives and look for their behavior and attitude outside of your relationship.
From not showing basic decency such as saying thank you to the waiters that served your food to having aggressive outbursts when things don’t go their way indicate signs of a major red flag.
Imagine being treated nicely only because you are in a relationship, but your partner does not quite approve of your friends. Or, what if it’s over between you two — what kind of behavior would he/she show? Concealing one’s true color is also laborious, and thus, people have their limits on pretending.
Likewise, behaviors like those stipulate deeper unresolved issues that might cause a huge conflict in your relationship.
The bottom line
We have colored these red flags with a brighter, more obvious, shade of red to help you identify and dodge them.
Noticing red flags in your partner does not necessarily mean that you should terminate the relationship immediately. Try to carefully assess your situation once you have witnessed a red flag. Attempt to understand where they are coming from and have a talk or two with your significant other. But when all things fail, you should act accordingly.
"Attempt to understand where they are coming from and have a talk or two with your significant other. But when all things fail, you should act accordingly."
These red flags are also not limited to the romantic context, but can also be seen in different kinds of relationships such as friendships, family, workmates, schoolmates, and yourself as well.
On that note, we often don’t realize that we, too, can also be the red flag that enacts these kinds of toxic behaviors. So, it is important to self-check once in a while for you to be able to maintain and attract healthy relationships that you deserve.
"On that note, we often don’t realize that we, too, can also be the red flag that enacts these kinds of toxic behaviors. So, it is important to self-check once in a while for you to be able to maintain and attract healthy relationships that you deserve."
Graphics by: Sofia Vinuya
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