On January 12 of last year, Kim Jong-dae, more commonly known as EXO’s main vocalist Chen, announced his marriage and fiancée’s pregnancy. Fast forward to November 16 of this year, Chen confirmed that they are pregnant for the second time around.
Anyone familiar with idol and fan culture would know how unusual this situation Chen is in—and no, I’m not talking about him marrying and having kids. Adults are free to live as they please after all. Instead, it is because of who Chen is that makes this situation unusual.
The 29-year-old singer is a member of the uber-popular Korean boy group EXO, which boasts hundreds of thousands of fans all across the world. You can only imagine the implications of dating a member publicly, never mind marrying one and having kids with them.
Dating ban and all of the strings attached to it
I remember exactly where I was on January 12 last year. Mindlessly scrolling through Twitter, I saw multiple articles about the news, and I initially felt shocked and overjoyed. But after the shock and joy settled in, oh did I feel horrified for Chen and his fiancée.
There was bound to be a backlash against K-pop idols going public with who they are in a relationship with, due to the unfair expectation imposed on them to abstain from relationships, no matter their age.
To the uninitiated, K-pop idols are usually subjected to what is known as a “dating ban” placed by their companies. It depends per company or contract, but idols are generally prohibited from entering romantic relationships for the first few years after their debut. Some would reason that this is so they can fully commit to their job as idols, but that may not be the case.
Lee Jong-im, a researcher at the Center for Culture & Society in Seoul, told The Korea Herald that K-Pop idols’ relationship status directly affects their popularity, which leads to their private lives becoming a commodity for outsider’s consumption.
Furthermore, dating bans actually help in strengthening the parasocial relationship between K-pop idols and their fans. As defined by Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl in Mass Communication and Para-social Interaction (1956), a parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship between a public figure and their fans, leading the latter to develop an illusion of intimacy between them.
This parasocial relationship can cause fans to feel entitled over the lives of their idols, which extends to their relationship status. And yes, while we recognize that not all fans may feel this way, it is difficult to ignore past precedents of idols dating and getting criticized for it. However, there are also cases where the majority of the fans wholly support their idols’ choices. And Chen can be counted in the latter, but not without opposition, of course.
The aftermath of the news
What happened after the news broke was utter chaos. Chen’s surprise betrothal broke the Internet, and it would be no exaggeration to say that Chen’s name trended everywhere.
On the one hand, EXO-Ls (the official fandom name for EXO fans) are shell-shocked but still quite supportive. But on the other hand, a number of fans campaigned against Chen, calling for his removal from the group.
Droves of hurt fans made their feelings known through tweets, comments and walkouts. There was even a group of 30 EXO-Ls who protested outside of SMTOWN COEX Artium while carrying banners with the words “CHEN OUT” as clear as day.
Of course, it goes without saying that similar sentiments were aired after the recent announcement of the second pregnancy. For some fans, Chen’s “selfishness” is the highest treachery of all.
Having expected this type of reaction, the fans on the other side of the spectrum organized a counter-protest of sorts, trending hashtags such as, but not limited to, #Chen_Stays and #AlwaysWithEXOChen.
The fans turning into antis out of sheer disappointment from an idol they have long since supported is, unfortunately, a common occurrence in these types of situations. However, in Chen’s case, it was fueled by the fact that he only announced his relationship status after being engaged and getting his non-celebrity fiancée pregnant, who he had apparently been seeing for a long time.
Looking at it from an objective point of view, if Chen had been “honest” with fans from the beginning, would fans be any less angry and disappointed? I also think that EXO still being in their prime played a role, since I’ve seen fans of decade-old K-pop groups nagging their idols to find love and celebrating when they marry.
If Chen had been “honest” with fans from the beginning, would fans be any less angry and disappointed?
What’s the situation now?
In the end, Chen did not leave EXO. In fact, Chen has even released music after the whole debacle, which shows us that his company, SM Entertainment, does not intend to let go of him anytime soon.
However, after releasing his emotion-filled single Hello on October 15 last year, he announced that he will be enlisting for his mandatory military service on October 26. To show their support, the remaining EXO members posted a photo of them sending off a now-bald Chen on EXO's fan community on the mobile app Lysn.
With all that’s said and done, Chen did lose fans and there are still those who wish for his removal from the group, but there is still a huge chunk of EXO-Ls who continue to support him and wish him and his growing family nothing but happiness.
By no means is Chen the first-ever idol to have ever married and had kids, but having fans who respect Chen’s decision to put himself and his family first for once, after choosing to put his fans first for the longest time, is a treasure to have and, in fact, is quite revolutionary too
"By no means is Chen the first-ever idol to have ever married and had kids, but having fans who respect Chen’s decision to put himself and his family first for once, after choosing to put his fans first for the longest time, is a treasure to have and, in fact, is quite revolutionary too."
Graphics by: Sofia Vinuya & Nicole Pacardo
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